“A warrior of the light is never in a hurry. Time works in his favour; he learns to master his impatience and avoids acting without thinking.” ~ Paulo Coelho.

My life long secret habit is impatience.

My fiancé would probably argue that this is the world’s worst kept ‘secret’, but then our loved ones often see the darkness that we try to hide from the rest of the world.

They say that good things come to those who wait, but what do they know? I don’t have time to waste. I want it all, and I want it yesterday.

In a world of instant gratification, I need my best-selling novel to be written already. I don’t want to wait to travel the world; adventure waits for no woman after all. I want enough time to have passed to ease the sharp sting of my grief. I even demand the text message I just sent to be answered instantly. I know that you have read it. My inner child wants to know what could possibly be more important than replying to me. She’s stomping her feet.

This is the part of myself that I despise the most; the part that I would change if I could.

I long to be the girl who nods politely at the long-winded bore, the one that queues for hours with a sweet smile. The one who fails at something new, and tries again and again until she is good at it. In an ideal world I wouldn’t stress about traffic, or being late for a meeting. I would be the girl that goes with the flow, and rises above the stress.

Ironically, I want to be that girl right now.

For the moment, I bury the frustration deep, taking long calming breaths when I feel the irritation rising inside me. I try to remember to be present in the moment and to understand that if something is meant to be, it will happen when it is supposed to.

I learn to love the gifts that impatience brings. For all it’s faults, it is a motivator. I know for a fact that I can get sh*t done. I won’t wait. I am painfully aware that life is too short, and when I want something, I get out there and chase it.

Patience is a valuable quality and I’ll get there eventually. Luckily, I have many other virtues.  ; )

Photo: János Balázs

Originally posted on Elephant Journal here.